Standstill

[Рио]

Pathetic. Everything around me moving, and only i stand and doing nothing. A friend of mine, year apart from me, two days apart from me having a heck of a job.
Some secret shindic that pays heck of a money, or at least according to him. I mean, he always was smart. So i thought - okay i'm glad that he has this job.
He kept telling me about it, and i acted silly trying to understand it. And maybe even did.
He told me that he wants to buy an old car, he has license after all.
So he did. He lives in his own apratment, drive a car and works. Makes money.
Good for him.

Except now my mom goes out of her way and pushes my face in it, and rubs it in it.
So yeah.

What am i hoping for?
What am i waiting for?

I know damn well enough that even if what i wish for will come true - it won't be now.
So why am i standing here and waiting for it?
Why can't i just move already!

I made my life a piece a crap, and i'm hoping that someone will just come over- pull me out of it and clean it up, or give me something to clean it up myself.
But noone will.

I guess that normal people getting drunk by now.
I wish i could just get depressed. But i think i already established that i can't Really get depressed.

Fuck that....

Comments

[G-Rave]

I made my life a piece a crap, and i'm hoping that someone will just come over- pull me out of it and clean it up, or give me something to clean it up myself.

You know, the first rule when you want help is to ask for it. Bluntly and whole heartily.
People won't know how you feel unless you spell it out for them. Others... won't interfere unless you share your intentions with them. They respect your decisions, so they won't bother you without a good reason.
If you need something - ask for it. If you need a talk - well, talk. It's easy. Really, man, I'm worried about you.
And neither you nor your life are "crap". You're a good man and a lot of people wish you good. Just don't shun them.

[Рио]

I know i know.

But - what i'm wondering about is... Where do you get this power?
I mean the way i see it - you already ascended way above me, and yet.
Ugh nvrmind.

I want to apologise for being such a drag for you however. And you right of course you right. And yes i do need help.
But the reason i'm not asking for it is... because help that i need is well different. Or maybe it's just me and my crazy vision of this boring little world.

But there is this thing - how, if ever, can (maybe?) you help?
Find me maybe?

[G-Rave]

Power? Oh man, don't joke around. )
All I can do is talk. And listen. Call. And then - again - listen. Simple.

Oh come on, that's ok. You're ok.
It's just that noone is going to live your life for you. Heaven doesn't work like pizza delivery, you know? You can't just order everything and simply sit waiting. Start making effort, man.

Maybe I can't help. I told ya - all I can do is speak and listen. But if you ever need that - try me. ))

[Рио]

Beyond the Grave
I'm not joking around.
I'm reading your Diary from the first current page. I haven't gone too far mind you, just page 207 but... Well let's just say that it actually starting to tell me something about you.

Many already lived thru my life, but it's not like i can access their help right now.
I mean i'm trying - i am but it's one heck of a lottery. I'll let you know if i will tho.

What Heaven have to do with anything? And mind you i NEVER ordered Pizza, i think. In any case isn't it different?

And.... Yeah. G.
Ok.. I'll try.

[G-Rave]

Oh shi~ you gonna see all those old emo-posts! I'm terrified to imagine what it may "tell" you. XDDD

It has stuff to do with me. I think. Ok, hope so. ) Well you inderstand what I meant, anyway. )))

[Рио]

Beyond the Grave
Oh those OLD posts tell mo oh so much. Although it's not as terrifying as you may think. Just interesting. And btw it's waaaay different from mine.

Oh yeah... Good point.

So... Will you... try.... help me?

[G-Rave]

Sure I will. I'm always willing to listen.